


is it a dream or a memory

by agreatescape



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Memory Loss, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24788317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agreatescape/pseuds/agreatescape
Summary: Ava wakes with a start automatically reaching to feel for Sara behind her but she is met with nothing but cold air. It is the same every night. She dreams of Sara, only to wake up to the empty side of the bed. She feels the tears coming, like always. She not strong enough to stop them, she never is. She just lay there, letting the sadness, the fear, the guilt wash over her. She should have noticed. How could she not have noticed?Set after the Season 5 finale.or:Ava is struggling after Sara's disappearance. Sara has been captured by aliens. They are both dreaming of the moment they get back to each other, but life is never that easy.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Nate Heywood & Ava Sharpe, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Comments: 21
Kudos: 109





	1. Chapter 1

_Ava wakes slowly, the warmth at her back anchoring her to the bed. She rolls, Sara’s arms tight around her, and takes in the sleeping woman’s form. She’s breathing softly, her mouth slightly open, her brow crinkled. Ava lifts her hand, careful not to wake her sleeping girlfriend, and runs her fingertips softly over Sara’s freckled cheek. She never thought she’d get to do this again. Not after losing her so suddenly. But she searched for her, and found her, and brought her home._

_Sara stirs as Ava’s fingers come into contact with her hair. “Good morning” Sara mumbles as her arms pull Ava closer._

_“Technically, we’ve only been asleep for an hour and a half, babe. It’s not even midnight yet.” Ava responds, her fingers now lightly combing through Sara’s hair_

_“Then what are you doing awake? Ava Sharpe needs her full 8 hours.” It’s said teasingly, but Ava can’t help feeling a tinge of hurt_

_“I didn’t sleep much… I couldn’t. Not while you were gone”_

_“Baby…” Sara whispers. “I’m here now. You can go to sleep and I’ll be right here when you wake up”_

_“Pinky swear?”_

_“Pinky swear.”_

_Their pinky’s intertwine and Ava takes one long look at Sara, looking deep into her ocean blue eyes, and leans down to kiss her deeply. Sara smiles at her, her eyes shining, before Ava turns back around and Sara holds her closer still._

Ava wakes with a start automatically reaching to feel for Sara behind her but she is met with nothing but cold air. It is the same every night. She dreams of Sara, only to wake up to the empty side of the bed. She feels the tears coming, like always. She not strong enough to stop them, she never is. She just lay there, letting the sadness, the fear, the guilt wash over her. She should have noticed. How could she not have noticed?

_Ava turns back towards the direction of the ship, at least what she thinks is the direction of the ship, after she hugs Charlie and says her goodbyes. She thinks she feels Sara hang back as she walks forward. She’s sure it is to give Charlie one last wave, one last goodbye. Then Nate starts talking,_

_“Do you think I should text Dion? Or would that be too desperate?”_

_She hears John groan next to her as he sites Nate’s desperation as the sole reason he doesn’t have a phone, and she reaches back. Reaches her hand back to grab Sara’s like she’s done a thousand times before._

_“What do you think, babe? Do you think Nate’s being desperate?”_

_But she feels nothing. No hand. No presence. No Sara. She turns fully then, to look at where Sara was just seconds ago. But she is gone._

_“Sara?”_

_The group all stop walking then and turn, looking at the place Sara just was. They all look at each other, suddenly stone cold sober before joining Ava in calling out Sara’s name. Then they start looking. Behind dumpsters, down alleyways. In the dingey bar across the road. She expects drunk Sara to pop out at any moment and laugh at their faces, and hold tight onto Ava’s hand and apologise for scaring her. But when minutes pass and nothing changes, that image fades. Ava panics, she calls out, and panics and calls out again and again, and Sara’s nowhere to be found. Sara doesn’t show up, she doesn’t appear and sooth Ava’s worries with a kiss. She’s not there._

Ava runs her hand over her face, sitting up with her feet touching the cool floor. “Gideon, what time is it?”

“It is 6.32am, Captain.”

“Gideon…”

“I am aware you have instructed me not to call you Captain, Ms Sharpe, but this ship needs a captain in order to function. Captain Lance entrusted you with that title”

“We were supposed to be co-captains. Not one leading without the other.” Ava mumbles, hoping that Gideon didn’t hear her, even if she did, she is met with silence.

Needing to get out of the room, Ava makes her way to the galley, pulling on one of Sara’s hoodies as she goes. Once she enters, she makes her way over to the food fabricator making herself some French toast. Her first meal on the Waverider. She remembers Sara, looking at her with a playfulness she’d never seen before. She knew she was in trouble from that moment. Really, she knew she was in trouble when she saw Sara in the Viking costume.

Ava catches herself smiling then. Sara’s face when Ava mentioned she was not into men, her smile when Ava saved her from Mallus that first time… Ava grips tightly to the counter, struggling once more to keep the tears at bay. She breathes deeply, in and out, in and out how many times, she’s not sure. All she knows is she can’t cry here, not where anyone can see. How could she not have noticed? Why did she decide to drink? How could she not have noticed?

She’s jolted out of her thoughts by Nate entering the galley. He looks at her, and then looks at the ground. He notices, of course he notices, they all do. But that doesn’t stop Ava from trying to hide it.

“Ray would have a heart attack if he saw you eating that.” She says to him as he reaches for a bowl of too-sugary cereal.

Nate smiles tightly and looks up at her. “I know. But what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

Ava slowly makes her way around to the dining table, pulling out her chair. Sara’s remains vacant.

“You couldn’t sleep either, huh?” Ava says as she watches Nate poor his cereal.

“Nah.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Nate just shakes his head and comes to join her. He is sitting in front of her now, his eyes are red and there are dark marks under his eyes. He looks like he hasn’t slept in months, though Ava is sure she isn’t fairing much better.

“Are there any questions on the back of the cereal box?” Ava asks, an attempt to lighten the mood.

“Sadly, no. Just a find-a-word.”

They settle into a comfortable silence, before Nate breaks it:

“We’re going to find her, you know?”

“Are we?” Ava whispers in a small voice she never thought she’d use in front of anyone but Sara. “It’s been months, and we are no closer to finding her now than we were then.”

_They’re back on the bridge, Ava leading the way as she calls for Gideon to do a sweep of the area._

_“There were no cameras in the vicinity, Captain.”_

_“Don’t call me that!” Ava yells are the ceiling. She’s not the damn Captain. She’s not. “What do you mean there’s no cameras? There’s cameras everywhere!”_

_“Not in this particular area, I’m afraid.”_

_“How can she just disappear? She can’t just disappear! Can you pull up maps, any readings of the area during the last 30 minutes? Surely, you have future tech that can do that?”_

_“You are correct, Captain.”_

_“Dammit, Gideon. Stop calling me that!”_

_“This ship needs a Captain in order to function. Captain Lance wished for you to captain alongside her. In her absence, you are the Captain.”_

_She’s not the captain. She can’t be the captain. It was supposed to be the two of them, that was the deal. She doesn’t want any of this without Sara._

_“Gidget, have you found anything?” Zari asks attempting to ease some of the tension._

_“I may have found something, Miss Tarazi, but I am withholding any information until I can know for certain the cause.”_

_It’s then Mick chooses to interject, “just tell the damn team what we want to know!”_

_The silence settles again before Gideon responds:_

_“There was a strange energy reading coming from outside the bar, about 25 minutes ago. This is a reading I have not seen in all of my travels. I have run analysis on all energy on the earth across all time periods I have access to and it cannot be matched anywhere. It is not capable to be formed on Earth.”_

_“So, what, it’s a strange otherworldly energy source?” Behrad pipes in._

_“In a manner of speaking yes.”_

_“So, like space?” Nate queries._

_“Precisely.”_

“… He really thinks he’s got it this time”

Ava shakes herself out of the memory, “sorry Nate. I just got caught up in my own head.”

Nate looks at her, understanding, and smiles softly.

“I was just saying, B is really close to getting the ship functional in space. He really thinks he’s got it this time”

“We’ve tried twice already. I don’t know what else we could do to get the ship into outer space safely. We don’t even have gravity capabilities. Once we are in space, who knows if we’ll just be floating around the ship with no means of supporting ourselves.”

“Yeah, about that,” Behrad says as he enters the galley, “I’m fairly certain I’ve ironed out the kinks with the problems we’ve run into. Also, I kind of went to NASA in 2055 and borrowed some of their future tech and remodelled it to fit with Gideon. We should be able to fly safely in space, gravity and all.”

“By borrowed, do you mean stole?” Ava asks, trying to look stern.

“I mean, if we are going off a technicality then yes, I stole it.”

“You have no idea how many protocols that breaks” Ava groans as she rests her head in her hands as Nate says, “but will it work?”

“I’m 85% positive, yes.”

“Do I even want to know what the other 15% is?” Ava responds, grimacing.

“Probably not, no.”

“Well, I guess third time’s the charm.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Chapter 2, way earlier than I expected!  
> In this chapter we get to see what has happened to Sara while Ava and the team have been trying to find a way to save her.
> 
> This chapter sets up the story and where we go from here. I hope you enjoy!

She hears something strange as she turns away from Charlie to walk back to the ship with her team. It makes her stop, turn back around. Maybe Charlie needs something? Before she can even see if Charlie is still there, a blue light shines down around her, trapping her in its force field. She tries calling out to the team, to Ava. She is kicking her legs, fighting, screaming for them to hear her. To notice her absence. But no-one does. She sees them walking away from her, talking and laughing, before she is being pulled away, away from her team, away from Ava. She can feel herself feeling faint, the familiarity of it settling in, before she blacks out.

_Sara is standing by Ava’s side at the bar as they wait for Charlie to perform. Sara can’t help but stare at her. This woman who has made her feel more alive than she’s ever felt, who makes her feel seen and safe. This woman who made Sara feel in ways she didn’t know she was even capable of. She looks beautiful, relaxed. It’s a sight Sara hasn’t seen often, not with the constant danger they’re in. But in this instance, they are not in danger and there are no threats, and Sara starts to feel herself relaxing as well._

_“What?” Ava says as she turns to see Sara staring at her, a slight smirk on her face._

_“Nothing.” Sara says back, the smirk turning into a smile._

_Ava shakes her head and leans down to kiss her. They stay like that for a while, kissing softly before Sara breaks the kiss._

_“So, I was thinking… How about we go away together after this? Just the two of us.”_

_“What about the vacation with the team?”_

_“Oh, we can still go with them. I was just thinking maybe we could spend a few days to ourselves beforehand?”_

_“What do you have in mind, Captain Lance?” Ava whispers, her lips hovering just above Sara’s._

_“It’s a surprise, Captain Sharpe.” Sara responds as she closes the distance between them._

She wakes to lights. So many lights. The dimly lit bar a distant memory, as she squints and shifts slightly at her uncomfortable position on what seems to be a metallic table. She tries to move her hands, but they are strapped to the table she is laying on. She tries to kick her legs, but they are strapped down too. As she adjusts to the lights, she can see three figures. The light obscures their features somewhat, but she knows they’re not human, but they don’t seem sub-human either.

It is then they notice she is awake, and all three figures turn to look at her. The two figures closest to her come to stand over her on the table, one placing its cold hand on her arm. The third figure stays where it is, turning its back to her and fiddles with something she cannot see.

“Pleasure for you to join us, Captain Lance.” The figure with its back turned says coolly.

“You know me, and I don’t know you. That hardly seems fair.” She grunts out in response.

“This is true. But we do not intend to be fair, it is not in our nature nor is it in our plans for you. Have some patience, Captain Lance.” It says as it goes back to tinkering with whatever device they plan to use on her.

“What about you guys,” she says to the two standing beside her, “do either of you want answer my question?”

“Unfortunately not, Captain Lance,” the figure responds again, “they are forbidden to speak unless directed to do so by the Superior, who would be me.”

She rolls her eyes at this. One, she’s abducted by aliens (that is what she has decided until proven otherwise) and two, they aren’t forthcoming with any information which is to be expected, but also definitely not what she needs right now. She just wants to go home.

“Surely you can at least tell me how you know who I am?” She says to the ‘Superior’.

“We have been watching you, Captain Lance. We travel in and out of time, from planet to planet. We know everything there is to know about you.”

So, definitely aliens. And, the Superior answers questions.

“While that is creepy, it is also kind of what I already expected,” she says dryly.

There is a long moment of silence as the Superior continues to tinker with whatever gadget it’s working on. She tries to lift her head up to get a better look at what is going on when one of the creatures, the one with its hand already grasping her arm, uses its other hand to push her head down. Then, the Superior screams in frustration and chucks the tool across the room.

“You’ve been working on that tool of yours for quite a while, is there an issue?” She says, a little out of breath as the creature presses down on her throat. “If there is, you should just let me go and come back to get me when you’re ready to do whatever it is you plan on doing to me.”

“0211, come with me. 0212, stay with the Captain.”

The creature holding her down lets go suddenly, picking up the tools from the floor and follows the Superior out the door. The other creature who had been standing silently beside her for the entire exchange nods its head, and walks over to the bench to grab a needle before walking back over to her. Sara feels the needle pierce her skin and her vision blurs, she can feel herself falling back into unconsciousness but not before she sees the creature take a chair and sit beside her.

***

She wakes slowly, her eyes blinking, trying to shake the fog from her mind. She’s not on the table anymore but she is laying in a chair. A chair just like the one in the med bay. She sighs in relief and closes her eyes once more.

“You came for me, Aves. You found me” she whispers and lifts the palm of her hand up for Ava to take. “Hold my hand, baby. I want to feel you. I was so scared I’d never see you again.”

But Ava doesn’t reach out, she doesn’t grasp her hand. She doesn’t move at all. Sara opens her eyes then, blinking rapidly, reaching her hand up to rub her eyes. But she can’t. Her hands are strapped down. She looks up at Ava, but she isn’t there. It’s not her. She hasn’t come. And it takes everything Sara has to not break down. 

“What are you looking at?” She snaps at the creature, who has the decency to look away from her. She doesn’t know what she was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t that.

Sara takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

The creature looks back up at her then. They stay like that for a while, in an odd but comfortable silence before Sara adds,

“Thank you for moving me from the table. This chair is way more comfortable. I mean, I would be even more comfortable if you hadn’t strapped my hands and feet down, but I don’t expect five star service from my captors.”

The creature smiles at this, acknowledging her before nodding their head and grimacing a little. For the first time, Sara really looks at them. The creature has wide dark brown eyes, with a small round nose and a triangular face. Their lips are thin, and their skin is grey. They’re wearing a uniform, tightly fitted, like it was made to be a second skin.

“So, your name is 0212?” Sara asks, conversationally.

The creature shakes its head.

“0212 is not your name?” Sara asks which earns another shake of the head of the creature. “What is your name then?”

The creature looks around the room, glancing in all directions, fear evident in their eyes. “Nakkiah. My name is Nakkiah.”

“You can speak?”

The creat- Nakkiah nods, and speaks slowly, “I know your history, Sara Lance. I am telling you this in the hope that you can fight them.”

Nakkiah comes closer, leaning in to whisper, “We are only meant to be able to speak when directed to do so by the Superior. We are programmed to do so. But I think I am broken, I don’t think the programming worked on me.”

“What have they done to you?”

“I was taken from my home by the Superior as they raided my planet. They chose a select few to take back with them. We were programmed to do their will. We go where the Superior goes. What the Superior instructs me to do, I do. If I don’t they will know, and they will kill me.”

Sara is silent for a moment. “I’m sorry, that… that sounds horrible.” What else is there to say? Sara and the cr- Nakkiah, sit in a silence once more as Sara wraps her head around what Nakkiah has revealed.

“I’m sorry for asking you this, but I need to know.” Sara says, breaking the silence. “How do they program you? I mean, you seem like a being with your own mind and the ability to make your own choices, so how do they change that?”

“They took my memories. They took all of our memories. All we knew, our families, our homes, they are gone and replaced with fake ones, a fake life. That is the fate of everyone on this ship.” Nakkiah whispers harshly.

“Except for you, it seems.” Sara responds.

“I have dreams of a real life, one with a wife and child, and memories of a fake life, one of service to the Superior, mixed up in my head. My procedure was interrupted before it was fully completed, but I’ve never let them know it was anything other than a success.”

Sara wishes Ava were here, to tell Nakkiah everything she had experienced. She knows Ava would know what to do, she would smile in understanding and give the kind of advice only she is qualified to give. But Ava isn’t here, and she probably never will be, and Sara isn’t sure how much longer she will have memories of her, so she shares what she can.

“My girlfriend, Ava… She would know exactly what to say to you right now. She was built for one purpose, to maintain the timeline and live for the Bureau she was created to be a part of. But she is so much more than that, she _became_ so much more than that. Her programming doesn’t define who she is, and she has made a life for herself free from what they made her to be. She is the strongest, smartest, most incredible person I’ve ever known. She has made my life everything I never thought it could be. She did that all on her own. If she can do that, so can you. You’re not broken, Nakkiah.”

Just as Sara finishes her sentence, the Superior walks back into the room. “Good news, Captain Lance. Your procedure is ready to begin!” The Superior shouts with glee.

“And, what exactly is this procedure?” Sara asks, knowing full well the answer.

“Well, seeing as you won’t remember this anyway…” the Superior says as he twirls the tool between his fingers. “Usually, we take our time torturing our guests, but with your history I know there is no point. You’ve survived things greater than anyone I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, so I am not going to waste my time on torture.”

They step closer to where Sara is laying, their face now inches above hers. “I am going to use this tool and remove your memories, every memory of your life on earth. Your family, Lian Yu, The League, your days as a vigilante, your days with the Legends. It is all going to be gone, and you will be mine.”

“You can’t just erase my memories. Eventually, I will remember.” Sara says, defiantly staring at the Superior.

“I am not removing your memories to erase them; I am replacing them. I am transferring your memories and replacing them with a story of my choosing. You will be as I make you.”

Fear overcomes Sara. She knows there is no way out, no way of escaping. Her body shakes as the Superior comes closer, and she knows she is about to lose everything. She thinks of her family, of Laurel risking everything to bring her back, of her father who she never thought she would see again and now probably never will. She thinks of her time with Nyssa, and all the lives she took as part of the League. She thinks of the Legends, her perfectly imperfect family who helped her find a purpose and a place to try and atone for her past wrongs. She thinks of Ava. Her smile every time Sara told her she loved her, the way her face scrunched up when she was concentrating, the way she lit Sara’s skin on fire with every touch. She thought of her eyes, her laugh, her lips. She feels the cool metal of the tool hit her temple, and she lets herself get lost in the memory of Ava, thinking only of her, until everything goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst :/  
> I won't make you wait too long for Chapter 3, I promise. It is already half written and there will be Avalance, trust me!
> 
> Thank you all so much for the comments and kudos on Chapter 1, it means so much 
> 
> I created a twitter account so I can scream with you about Avalance during the hiatus and beyond, feel free to follow @agreatescape96


	3. Chapter 3

Ava closes her eyes as she pushes the thruster all the way down and the Waverider climbs higher into the air. She hears the team settle in, collectively holding their breaths as they exit the Earth’s atmosphere. Everything is silent, the Waverider shaking slightly as it adjusts to its new equilibrium. The silence continues, and Ava opens one eye to assess the damage or lack thereof. Everything looks to be running smoothly, the controls showing no signs of immediate danger like every other time before. Everyone else must be thinking the same thing as they all let out loud shouts of excitement.

“How are the oxygen levels Gideon? Also is the gravity system I installed running smoothly? I really need to get up to pee.” B asks when the excited shouting dies down.

“You really couldn’t have gone to the bathroom before we left?” Zari asks, disgusted.

“Oxygen levels and the gravity system all indicate they are stable Mr Tarazi, they look like they will remain that way as long as we don’t sustain any direct damage to the equipment you repaired.”

“Oh my God,” Ava whispers, “Oh my God!” Ava then shouts before getting up to hug Behrad before he runs to the bathroom. “We made it! We actually made it!” Ava starts laughing as the team all surround her.

“Where to now, Cap?” Nate asks pointedly.

Ava only winces slightly before answering, “Gideon, track the energy signature we have been studying since Sara was taken. We’re going to find her. We’re going to bring her home.”

***

They’d been tracking the energy signature for five days now. So far, they’d found nothing. The small sliver of hope Ava had felt at finally being in space was all but diminished. She still hasn’t slept more than a few hours a night, with Nate keeping her company during the early hours of the morning when they’re both too stuck in their heads to sleep.

It’s on the sixth day, when the team are eating breakfast together, that Gideon announces the news they’d all been waiting for:

“Legends, I have found traces of the energy source we have been tracking. However, I must preface this with a warning. They could jump away at any point, and we may lose their trace, it is not certain we will be able to catch up to them in time. But they are not too far away from our position, we should be able to catch up to them in six hours depending on the movements of their spacecraft.”

Six hours. Sara could be coming home in six hours. They’re so close and Ava doesn’t know if she’s heard Gideon right. Could they really be this close, after all this time? She feels her stomach drop at the thought of coming close to Sara and losing her, or not finding her at all. She doesn’t think she could take it. Her mind starts racing, thinking of all the ways this could go wrong.

“Ava? What do we need to do?”

She’s silent for a long time, not sure who speaks to her, but then she notices that all eyes are on her, looking at her to guide them, to tell them what they need to do. She takes a deep breath, doing what she knows she needs to do.

“Okay, we’ve got six hours to come up with a plan. Gideon will you be able to get a blueprint of the ship we are following?”

“I should be able to gather enough data to formulate blueprints when we are close enough to them.”

“That doesn’t give us much time to come up with a plan…” Ava says more to herself than anyone, as she starts going through different scenarios in her head. When she forms something somewhat coherent, she lets the team in on her thoughts.

“John, Zari and B I need you to research magic that we can use to help cloak the ship, the strongest magic you can conjure up John, or something we can do to do the ship to improve our cloaking capabilities. We’re in space after all, and we don’t know what kind of tech these guys have on us. Nate, Mick and I are going to start formulating plans of attack that are able to be adaptable to as many situations as possible.”

***

Ava and Nate have been working nonstop for hours, Mick ‘supervising’ while drinking a beer, when Gideon interrupts them.

“Captain, I have scanned the schematics of the ship. They will appear shortly.”

Ava sighs.

The ship’s schematics appear in 3D in front of herself and Nate, and Ava calls the other three to the bridge from the lab. 

The ship is more complex than they had even imagined, a maze of floors and corridors that intersect at random points. There doesn’t seem to be a pattern to it. There was one section which was blank.

“Gideon, what is in the blank spot?” Ava asks.

“Unfortunately, there was no way of uncovering what is positioned there. The energy source I traced was strongest from that point, but it appears to be a dead zone of the ship.”

“Bloody wonderful.” John lets out.

“That’s where I’d hide my prisoners.” Mick says matter-of-factly.

“We can’t automatically assume Sara is being kept there. We need to go through the ship floor by floor to see if we can figure out if there are any other spots that seem like good holding cells”, Ava says before choking out, “or medical facilities.”

The team divides up the task evenly, each searching floors meticulously before coming up with a list of ideas. Out of all the floors on the ship, the team narrows it down to two, plus the dead zone.

“John, Z and B did you guys figure out a way to ensure we have the best cloaking possible?”

“We did as much research as we could and the Waverider has the most advance cloaking capabilities as far as we can tell. But I have made sure to pair that with the most powerful cloaking spell I know, so we have as much power behind us as possible.”

“You need to stay on the ship to maintain the cloaking and ensure we have the most seamless as possible entrance onto the ship. It looks like they have some sort of loading bay on the bottom left side of the ship, with a connecting shaft that goes to all floors which we can then use to find our way through. Z and B, you two stick together and search the 20th floor. Nate, Mick and I will search the 25th. If we haven’t found Sara, we will meet up together on floor 25 to make our way to the dead zone.”

The team all look at each other, determination and a bit of fear starting to take hold.

“Gideon, how long before we reach the ship?” Nate asks.

“Twenty minutes, Mr Heywood.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have a snazzy send off like Sara. Once we get her back I’m sure we will get the send offs back too.” Ava nods to herself, trying to muster up any positive emotion she can find. “Let’s meet up in the Cargo Bay in 10 and we can run through the plan again.”

As the team disperse, Ava feels herself start to panic and leans against the console her head down, her breathing heavy. Months she’s waited for this, this small chance, a moment she didn’t allow herself to hope to have. A moment to save Sara. But what if she isn’t enough? What if they can’t save her? She doesn’t know what she’ll do if they can’t save her.

“Are you okay?” Nate asks so softly, Ava is sure she made it up.

She looks up at him, unshed tears in her eyes. “I don’t know.”

Nate stands across from her, looking at her with so much understanding in his eyes she has to look away. She asks him something she has wanted to for a while, ever since they started sitting together in the early mornings.

“Do you ever wish that you didn’t have your memories of Zari? I mean, do you wish that you didn’t remember her after Heyworld?”

He opens his mouth to answer but closes it before looking down. “Honestly, sometimes I do. Sometimes when the pain is too much, I wish I could forget.” He whispers, and looks up at Ava, looking right into her eyes. “But then the pain passes and I’m able to remember the good times and I know I wouldn’t trade them in for anything.”

Ava feels the tears fall then, the first time she has cried in front of anyone. “I feel the same about Sara sometimes too. Not that I want to forget her, I never want to forget her. It’s more that, in those moments when I’m crying myself to sleep and I just want the pain to stop, I wish I didn’t have to feel this way, that it would be easier if I forgot. Those moments are the worst moments of my life.”

Nate walks over to her and holds her arms in his hands. He’s smiling softly at her, allowing her to feel the pain she feels, and waits with her until her tears subside.

“And you’ve been to Purgatory.” Nate says hoping to make her smile.

It works, and Ava chokes out a laugh, and smiles. “Yeah, I’ve been to Purgatory.” Her smiles stays for a while, but her mind starts working again and with it her smile fades a bit, determination settling behind her eyes. “Sara saved me then. I guess it’s time I save her too.”

***

“Okay team,” Ava begins. “The time couriers are fixed to our time and location so we should, theoretically, be able to jump into the loading bay of the spacecraft if I’ve set the calculation correctly.”

“Convenient,” Zari adds.

Ava spares her a side glance.

“We have arrived, Captain. We are currently positioned under the loading bay. Mr Constantine’s spell and my already stellar cloaking capabilities are working as hoped.”

Good, that was good. One thing is going right.

Ava opens to portal, seeing the other side clearly. Boxes stacked highly against the walls. She takes a deep breath and walks through it, the team following closely behind.

“What the hell could be in these boxes?” Mick says.

Ava rolls her eyes, of course that’s what he’s interested in right now. She sees him open one of the lids, his eyes wide.

“Mick!” Ava whisper shouts to him.

“They’re… weapons?” Behrad pipes in.

“What kind of weapons?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen anything like them.”

“Can we not focus on that right now,” Ava interjects, “I know that it’s important, obviously. But one mission at a time.”

The team nods, and Mick puts the lid of the box back on and they make their way towards the shaft to take them to their respective floors. They make it to the shaft with no incident, the floor is suspiciously quiet. Once inside the shaft, Ava goes over the plan once more.

“B and Z, we’ll meet you on level 25.” She says as the doors open to level 20.

As they reach level 25, Ava, Mick and Nate move quickly but quietly through the halls. They’re deserted. There seems to be no-one up here. The halls are broken up by cells along every row, but Sara is not in them. They see so many alien creatures in these cells. But none are Sara. As they continue down the hall, Ava begins to feel more and more hopeless. Every hall they turn down, Sara is not there. She seems to not be anywhere.

“Z, any luck on your end?”

“Zilch. Sara isn’t in any of the cells.”

So that floor has cells too. At least they are on the right track.

“Ah, Ava… We have a problem.” This time it’s B over the comms.

“What?”

“The shaft has been surrounded by some really ugly aliens.” Zari says.

“You can’t do anything to cause a scene. They can’t know we are here. You need to sit tight until we finish looking in the cells on this floor, then we can figure out what to do from there.”

Ava, Mick and Nate keep looking, every cell turning up no clues or information on Sara.

“It looks like we’re stuck here, guys. The shaft has been closed for maintenance.” B chimes in.

Ava rolls her eyes again. Of course it is. That’s just what they need right now.

“Nate, Mick, I need you to go down there and get them. Use the other shaft on the opposite end of the corridor. Please do not be seen.”

“What about you?”

“I’m going to the dead zone. It’s the only other place Sara could be.”

***

Ava makes her way to the dead zone, her steps slow as she rounds every corner of the floor. It is much the same as the other floor, cells adorn every wall but none of them hold Sara. She knew it was foolish to get her hopes up this time. She knew, deep down she knew, it couldn’t be this simple, this easy. She failed Sara. She failed her again.

Ava turns the final corner of the floor and is greeted by a long hallway with varying exit points. At the end of the hall there is a large black door, and she can see a bright white light behind it. Ava makes her way slowly down the hall, her eyes on the door only breaking contact to look down the exit rows. The black door almost seems to be calling her as she nears it. 

She’s so distracted she doesn’t notice that someone has been behind her the whole time.

“You’re Ava.” She turns then, to the sound of the voice behind her and sees one of the creatures standing there, their hands up. “You’re Sara’s Ava. You came for her.”

Ava doesn’t say anything, her eyes wide, her feet planted firmly on the ground.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Ava.” They move towards her, slowly as if not to startle her. “I saw you enter via a portal and I knew it must be you. You’re lucky I was on watch today, otherwise I doubt you’d have made it this far.” Ava stays silent. “Please. You need to trust me. You need to come with me.”

The creature is close to Ava now, her wide eyes scanning Ava’s features; for what she’s not sure. Whatever they’re looking for, they don’t find as their cool, long fingers making contact with Ava’s arm and she is pulled away from the door and down the hall. They move quickly, and Ava notices the creature is scanning every possible exit, determination in their stride.

“Who are you?”

“My name is Nakkiah. I know Sara. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop them.”

Ava is about to respond when Nakkiah pushes her down an exit point, and places their hand over her mouth, Ava’s back against the wall.

She hears the door at the end of the hall slam loudly in the silent halls of the spacecraft as heavy footsteps slowly make their way towards them. The footsteps, while heavy, are obviously calculated. Whoever it is knows they’re not alone. Ava can feel her heartbeat echoing in her ears, her breathing coming out in shallow bursts.

The footsteps get louder as they approach their hiding space. Ava removes Nakkiah’s hand from her mouth and pulls her baton out, her back still resting against the wall but ready to strike if need be. Ava can see the shadow of the figure as it makes its way closer. She feels Nakkiah hold their breath and Ava instinctively does the same as the figure passes their position. Ava watches the figure, cloaked in black, not anything like the others.

The figure keeps walking further ahead until they stop. Their head turning slightly to the side. Ava can see the figure open its mouth, and she hears the voice she’s been longing to hear for months. “You know, this would be a lot easier if you just showed yourself.”

_Sara._

Before she knows what she’s doing, Ava moves out from her cover, rushing over to where Sara is. She pulls Sara into her arms, feeling her tears overflowing as she cries into her loves shoulder. “I’m so sorry.” Upon saying those words, months of repressed longing and fear spill out of her. “I’m so sorry baby. I’m so sorry it took me so long to find you. I was so scared, Sara. I was so scared I’d never see you again.”

But Sara’s arms aren’t holding her upright. Sara’s arms aren’t around her, holding safely like she dreamed they would be when they saw each other again. Sara isn’t hugging her back. She isn’t moving at all. She isn’t saying anything.

Ava pulls back, her free hand wiping her tears away, and then places it to rest against Sara’s cheek. Sara looks stunned, like she’s never been touched, never been hugged before.

“Sara?” Ava whispers, so softly, she isn’t even sure she’s said it out loud.

Sara’s hand comes up then, to rest over Ava’s on her cheek. She sees confusion in her crystal blue eyes, and tears start to well up. But that emotion is replaced as quickly as it appears. Sara blinks and twists Ava around, her back now resting against Sara’s front and Sara’s arm resting tightly against her throat.

“Who’s Sara?”

Ava is quiet. She wasn’t prepared for this. She should have been. Nothing was ever easy for them; nothing ever went to plan. But here she is, the love of her life slowly choking the life out of her, and she isn’t prepared. She remains silent, she doesn’t want to hurt Sara. She’s never wanted to hurt Sara. But she isn’t sure how to get out of this without hurting Sara or herself in the process. Sara tightens her hold. “I’m going to ask you one more time. Who is Sara?”

Ava quickly flips Sara over the top of her and Sara lands on her back, hard, in front of Ava. Ava goes over to where Sara has landed, staring down at her. “You.”

“Wrong answer.”

Sara gets up and tackles Ava against the nearest wall. She starts punching, and Ava blocks as many punches as she can. But she can’t block all of them. Sara hits Ava’s side, her face, her stomach, her ribs with a force she never knew Sara to be capable of. Ava doesn’t hit back, instead ducks and weaves away from her. After what feels like hours, Ava eventually gets an opportunity, and grabs both of Sara’s wrists, slamming her back against the wall, her hands above her head.

They’re both panting heavily, and in the second of calm Ava can feel the bruises starting to form all over her body. She tries to hide the pain, but her grimace gives her away. She can feel Sara watching her. Ava remembers when they were like this the first time, fighting and stuck in the same position as they are now. If Ava didn’t know any better, she would think Sara’s thinking the same thing as the distain on Sara’s face gives way to something else. She looks so small, so lost. Ava loosens her grip on Sara’s arms and steps away from her.

“I’m not going to fight you, Sara.” Ava whispers, her voice hoarse.

“You should. You have no idea what I’ve done.”

Sara hits out at her again.

“I’m not going to fight you.” Block.

“I’m not here to hurt you, Sara.” Block.

“I just want to take you home.” Block.

Ava repeats this over and over again until her lungs are burning, and her bones are aching more than she ever thought they could.

Sara continues to punch and swing at Ava, and as Ava continues to block them and refuse to fight her, her technique becomes more erratic. Her face is red, her eyes more unfocussed as tears form and she tries to blink them away.

“Why won’t you just hit me back?” Every word is punctuated by another punch that Ava blocks.

“I’m not going to fight you, Sara. It’s okay.” Another punch. Another block.

After a few more unsuccessful punches, Ava sees Sara make a decision, but she is too slow to react. Sara’s knee makes contact with Ava’s stomach. As she crouches over in pain, Sara swings. A right hook connecting to her jaw. Ava feels herself fall. She feels her head hit the floor. She feels Sara straddle her waist and punch into her a few more times. She tastes the bitterness of the blood in her mouth. But most of all, she sees Sara. She sees her crying as she punches. She sees her crying as if this is not what she wants to do. Ava somehow finds the strength to tell her that everything’s okay, she tells her with every punch that hits her body that it’s okay, she understands, she loves her, everything is okay.

She can see Sara warring with herself, she sees the confusion and the hurt, she sees the moment her will gives in and she stops punching. She’s breathing quickly, her red tear-stained face showing all of the pain she always tries to hide. She says nothing. Neither of them say anything. She feels Sara brush her fingers over her cheek, wiping away blood that has pooled there and Ava uses the rest of her strength to connect their pinkies, smiling wearily at her.

“I love you. It’s okay.”

Sara swallows, “who are you?”

Before Ava has a chance to answer, Sara is knocked unconscious from behind and pulled away.

“Ava! Are you okay?” Ava feels herself lifted up off the ground and sees a steeled-up Nate carrying Sara.

She doesn’t have the strength to answer, but knows Mick is the one at her side. She hears him call to Behrad for help.

“You need to hurry if you are to get off the ship undetected.”

Nakkiah.

She leads them down complex tunnels, away from all other life on the ship, down to the loading bay. Mick leaves her side, but Behrad is there to hold her up. 

“You need to go now. Before the Superior notices Sara is missing.”

“The Superior?” Nate asks.

“We don’t have time. You need to go. Now!”

Someone, she assumes Zari, opens a portal right into the medbay. Behrad places her onto one of the chairs, her eyes heavy. She looks over to her right to see Nate deposit a still-unconscious Sara into the chair next to her.

The last thing she thinks before she lets the darkness take her is that she did it. She got Sara home. Sara’s home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really hard to write, and really kicked my butt  
> I'm still not fully happy with it but I don't want to keep you waiting any longer  
> I hope you enjoy!

_She’s been expecting her for hours, so she tells her as much. Then the woman in the suit starts rattling off the law which gives her the authority to take her in._

_“Which arm?” Sara says, determined to get this over with._

_“The Global Treaty was negotiated between Director Hunter and the United Nations-”_

_“No, I mean… if you try to take me in, I’ll break your arm. It’s up to you: right or left?”_

_“Your threats may work on Confederate Zombies, Quentin Turnbull’s Cronies and Speedsters, but you don’t scare me. I’ve spent the last 5 years watching your screw-ups, I know everything about you. Now,” the uptight woman says, looking around, “where is the member of my team that you’ve taken hostage?”_

_“You mean, Gary? This ship is probably like a vacation after to having to answer to you.”_

_“Last chance. Come quietly and I’ll make sure you get your job back at Sink, Shower & Stuff.”_

_Now that’s a low blow. She sizes the woman up, ready to fight, “when did a Legend ever go quietly?”_

_The woman is a good fighter, aggressive and determined, Sara’s ready for her. But the woman matches her strikes, blocking them but also throwing a few good ones of her own. Before she knows it, the woman has her pinned to the wall, her arms above her head. She can feel the tension, the anger and frustration settle between the two, but she only lets it linger for a second before she headbutts her opponent with such force it enables her to grab the upper hand._

_They fight and they fight, eventually making their way to the bridge of the ship. She can feel how tired she is, so the other woman must be feeling worse, especially after Sara lands a punch right on her jaw. The other woman laughs, her once tight bun now strewn all over her face._

_“Rip should have recruited you to the Time Bureau.”_

_“Rip knows I’d never leave the team.”_

_“Your mistake.”_

_The woman launches toward her, her arm raised to strike. Sara ducks and spins, but so does the woman and they punch each other in the face. Sara feels herself falling and hits the ground with a thud, the other woman next to her._

***

Sara jolts awake, her eyes springing open as she takes in her surroundings through the haze of whatever medication they’ve put her on. She’s in an unfamiliar room, in an unfamiliar chair, a light hum in her ears. She raises her hand to hold her head but doesn’t get far. Her hands are strapped to the arm rests.

Flashes of the fight that landed her here play in her mind, getting mixed up with the dream she just woke up from. She’s had these dreams before, especially after horrific missions for the Superior. Dreams of a woman with long hair, making her smile and laugh and feel safer than she ever knew possible. This woman who’s appeared to her for as long as she can remember. She thinks of her, of the people they lead together, of the lives they save, wishing it could be true.

Thinking back on it now, she should have recognised her on the ship. Deep down she thinks she did. But how could she have been there with her, when she’s only ever existed in her mind? She fought her, hit her, beat her, to stay in control. She needed to be in control. She couldn’t have the Superior noticing, sensing that she was anything other than the loyal soldier she’s always been. The feelings the woman stirs within her aren’t real. They’re nothing but dreams. She’s a feared leader and an even more feared enemy. She was made for this life, this life of destruction, of pain, of torment. This life was all she’d ever known.

She keeps telling herself this, repeating it over and over, but she keeps getting lost in her thoughts. Thoughts of the woman from her dreams, the woman who didn’t fight back. She’s shocked out of her thoughts when she hears the doors open, and she looks over to see the woman walking in, her head down, device in hand, and when she looks up her movements faulter.

“You’re awake.”

Sara says nothing. The questioning will start now. She knows what to do in these situations. She knows what they’re after. She’s been trained for this. Sara steels herself, but instead the woman lets her lack of response go, and moves closer to check her vitals, vitals Sara sees are already on the screen she was looking at when she came in.

She looks well, healthy. Her face showing no signs of their previous encounter. Sara uses the woman’s distraction to really look at her. She’s beautiful, more beautiful than her dreams could have prepared her for. In her distraction, the woman places her hand over Sara’s, her thumb stroking the back of her hand softly. Sara feels warmth spread throughout her body but contains the shock she feels in favour of giving herself more time to look at her. She can see her bottom lip is trapped between her teeth as she concentrates on reading the numbers in front of her. Sara feels herself smiling, her eyes crinkling in the corners, but the smile is replaced almost as soon as it arrives as the woman turns to face her. She can tell the woman is shocked when she sees Sara already looking at her. Sara maintains her gaze, hoping she didn’t notice her smile, hoping instead she sees the challenge in her eyes.

“Nothing I do will make you talk to me, will it?”

It’s said so resolutely that Sara gives in for a moment, hoping what she says will make her go away.

“I’m the highest-ranking officer in the Superior’s army, do you really think I’d tell you anything?” She hopes it sounds as menacing as she wants it to be.

The woman sighs, “No, Sara, I don’t. I’m not going to force you to talk to me. Telling me your rank, beating me to a bloody pulp, nothing you do is going to make me hurt you, or torture you or whatever else you think I would do for information. That’s not who I am. That’s not who we are.”

“Then who are you?”

The woman doesn’t answer her, doesn’t say anything at all; she just looks at her with so much pain in her eyes, and Sara can tell she’s trying her best to hold back the tears threatening to rise. Before Sara sees them fall, the woman turns away and Sara watches as she walks out of the room without another word.

***

She’s left alone for what feels like hours, and her mind wanders back to her dreams. She can tell the woman in her dreams loves her. But seeing that same woman standing in front of her was different. The woman looked at her just like she did in her dreams, spoke to her just as softly, calmed her with one touch just as easily. But they couldn’t be the same person. She couldn’t have dreamt of a real person, a real life they had together.

The doors open, and she turns her head towards the sound expecting to see the woman. She ignores the pang of disappointment she feels when a man enters instead.

“Heya, Captain.”

That disappointment is quickly replaced by curiousity; she recognises this man from her dreams.

“You’ve been gone for so long, Cap! You’ve missed out on so much! You should see what I’ve done to the Waverider, you’re gonna love it.”

“What are you…”

He starts rattling off parts of the ship she’s unaware of, and she knows she should be paying attention to note potential escape routes, but she can’t focus.

“B! I didn’t know you were in here.”

“Nate!” The first man, B, says.

“Ava said no-one was allowed to visit Sara yet.”

_Ava… she must be the woman who was with me earlier._

She didn’t realise she’s spoken out loud until she notices the other two are nodding enthusiastically.

“You guys have been in love for, like, so long. You’re ridiculously cute together.”

Seeing the shock on Sara’s face, the other man adds:

“Don’t worry, Captain. I’m sure you’ll remember soon. But until then, I’m gonna catch you up on what we’ve been up to, it’ll be like you never left.”

“I’m not your Captain.”

“Sure you are! Sara Lance, badass assassin, good with the ladies, cheated death more times than I can count, helped save the world like a thousand times. That’s you! You’re like one of the world’s greatest heroes.”

“You’ve got the badass assassin and cheating death part right.” She grumbles while rolling her eyes. She’s a killer, not a hero. She’s the Superior’s killer.

“Come on, Sara. Surely some part of you remember us? We all miss you. We miss your send offs, we miss you and Ava yelling at us when we’ve done something wrong. We need you.”

Sara knows what they’re saying makes sense. She’s been dreaming of this, of them, of Ava, for more nights than she can count. But this can’t be right. She has killed so many people, followed so many orders, has so much blood on her hands. These people think she is someone important, someone worthy of the title they’ve given her.

“Listen to me. I am no hero. I don’t save the world, I destroy it. That’s my purpose. I kill, I destroy, I maim, I torture. I have killed so many people that your blood would run cold just hearing the stories. That is what I do. I am not your Captain, or this wonderful person you’ve decided I am. Whoever she is, whoever you’re talking about, is gone.”

She’s so agitated that she doesn’t notice another person enter the room.

“What did I say?” Ava is standing there, looking at the two other people in in the room with a look almost identical to that of the woman in her dream from this morning. They don’t answer her, they just look down and walk out of the room.

Once the door closes behind them, Ava’s hand comes up to pinch the bridge of her nose.

“So, you talk to them but not to me?” Ava says not looking at her, hurt evident in her voice.

How does she tell her that talking to them seemed easier? She could handle the disappointment, the shock, the fear coming from the others, but if it came from Ava, well, she doesn’t want to think about that.

“Ava…”

Ava turns towards her, as she breathes her name like a prayer.

“I don’t… I don’t remember. I just… the others who were in here before said your name. You use my name all the time, it’s only seems fair that I call you by yours.”

She doesn’t tell her that somehow, someway she already knew her name. She doesn’t tell her that she dreams of her almost every night. She doesn’t tell her how confused she is. And she definitely doesn’t tell her how the others mentioned they were in love, though she suspects she knows.

“Fair, huh? You’re really worried about fair when you’re most definitely thinking about escaping in every possible way or even killing us.”

“No, I-” she stops herself as she sees Ava’s eyes widen. The silence hangs between them a while, both waiting for the other to speak, but both too afraid to break whatever is between them, until Sara forces herself to say what she really wants Ava to know, “I don’t think I could kill you, any of you.”

“I know.” Ava says with guilt in her eyes. “I mean, I don’t know. But I know the you I know wouldn’t be thinking about killing us. I just… I heard what you said before and panicked. I worried I let my guard down too much, because it’s you. I know you’d never hurt me. You stopped before.”

Sara doesn’t know what to say so she opts for silence. They’re looking at each other now and Sara feels lighter than she ever has before. It brings a small smile to her lips which Ava matches. Ava’s kind eyes pierce into Sara’s own. There’s so much love in them, it takes Sara’s breath away. But then fear rises inside her. She almost killed Ava before, could have killed her. She’s a danger, a monster and she doesn’t deserve this woman, doesn’t deserve to have Ava looking at her the way she is. Like she’s _Her._ But she isn’t. She’s not the Sara Ava knows and loves. She isn’t a good person. She’s not the person they say she is.

“Don’t look at me like that.” She whispers so softly, shame causing her to break. It’s said so quietly, she hopes Ava doesn’t hear and they can stay in her dream forever.

“Like what?” Ava asks, and Sara knows what she’s about to say will break her heart.

“Like you love me.”

Ava looks down at the ground and Sara can feel the hurt radiating out of her. She feels it too. Ava’s hands clasp together behind her back and she nods to herself a few times, blinking back the tears. She takes a minute to compose herself before she moves to walk out the door. But when she reaches the door, she stops and turns back to face Sara with no attempt to hide the tears that have welled in her eyes.

“I don’t know how else to look at you.”

Before Sara is able form any kind of response, she’s gone.

***

She doesn’t hear from anyone for quite some time, but as the day passes, she starts to hear movement outside the room. There’s banging, the sound of material dragging along the floor, a lot of shouting between a big group of people. She doesn’t pay much attention to it, in truth, she doesn’t care. She just wants to see Ava again. To apologise. But she doesn’t see her, she doesn’t see anyone.

Just as she starts to drift off to sleep, the doors open and Ava walks through. She looks calm and composed, but Sara can tell she’s barely holding herself together.

“Let’s get you out of here.”

Sara says nothing and settles for watching Ava as she moves closer to the chair. She pulls a key out of her pocket and looks at her like she is trying to figure out if what she’s about to do is a good idea. She sees the moment Ava makes her decision; she nods to herself almost imperceptibly.

She comes towards her, and her hand touches Sara’s as she holds it still. The feeling from earlier rises up inside her again and she looks up at Ava, wanting to see if she feels it too, but Ava is resolutely looking down, biting her lip, concentrating on releasing Sara’s hand. Ava must feel her staring as she suddenly looks up, meeting her gaze. Sara quickly turns away.

As her right hand is released, she thinks of all the ways she can escape. She sees all of the options in front of her, but she holds back from acting on any of them. Her eyes follow Ava as she makes her way around to her other side, her hand now grasping Sara’s left. Ava releases Sara’s other hand from the device and stands up straight, looking at Sara like she’s afraid she is going to run. Or punch. Or fight. She doesn’t.

“You got a cell on this ship, or?” Sara doesn’t know where that came from, but the teasing tone makes Ava falter. She opens and closes her mouth a few times, whatever words she wants to say getting stuck in her throat. She settles for grabbing Sara’s arm and lifting her off the chair, Sara’s weak state making her more complaint than she usually would be. Ava’s grip is light as she leads her through the hallway, she could make a move to escape at any moment, perhaps Ava expects her to, but she doesn’t.

The more she walks the more she recognises the ship from her dreams. It unsettles her more than she cares to admit so she puts her head down and watches her feet as she walks. Eventually, they stop outside some doors and she looks up as she hears them open.

The room is large, one walkway in and out with the cell, which hardly looks like a cell at all, in the middle. Ava pulls her forward towards the cell and opens the door with a flick of her wrist. She feels Ava let her arm go, the loss feeling greater than it has the right to, and she can’t move. She can’t stop staring at the cell. The walls are clear, but its furnished. There is a mattress on the ground, made up with sheets and a quilt, with a small clock on a table in the corner. She sees a metal frame at the back with cushions on it, made to look like a makeshift chair. She’s seen enough cells to know that it used to be the bed for the prisoners they kept here. 

“For what it’s worth, I don’t want to put you in here.” Ava says gently.

“For what it’s worth, I don’t blame you. You have to keep the te- _your_ team, safe.” Sara tries to cover up her mistake, but if Ava notices the slip-up, she doesn’t mention it.

“Well in that case,” Ava sighs, “you’re supposed to go into the cell, not just stand outside the door and stare at it.”

“Well, you’re supposed to throw me in the cell, not let me stand out here staring at it.” Sara shoots back.

Ava doesn’t say anything, just stands behind her. Close enough to feel her presence but not suffocating, like she’s waiting for Sara to make a choice, not wanting to make it for her.

Sara walks in, and she hears the doors shut behind her, hears Ava let out a small sigh, hears her exit. The room is much more comforting than it has the right to be. She finds it homely and much more comforting than her quarters on the Superior’s ship. She shakes that thought away as quick as it comes, fear creeping in the back of her mind. She tries, then, to think nothing but positive thoughts of the ship, the Superior and the mission he has set forth for them. But the thoughts don’t come. She can’t think of anything other than the cell these people have obviously made nice for her. To make her feel like she belongs, that she’s not a monster, that she is this Captain they so wish for her to be.

She hears rustling come from the door and she turns to see Ava coming back into the room, dragging something behind her.

“What?” She grunts at Sara as she notices her watching.

Sara says nothing, she can’t help but stare, something she’s been doing a lot of since this woman crashed into her life.

“I’ve slept without you for months.” Ava says by way of explanation, determination in her eyes, as she drops a mattress to the floor outside the cell but next to Sara’s bed.

“Even though you don’t remember me, or remember us, you’re here. You’re home. And I’m not sleeping without you.”

She says the last part as a whisper, a vulnerability to her voice that startles Sara, they stare at each other for a long time, each trying to work out what the other is thinking. She feels Ava challenging her to argue, but Sara says nothing, trying to ignore the warm feeling bubbling up inside her. Speaking with her actions instead, Sara decides to do what is least expected and settles in for the night, pulling the covers back from the mattress and getting in, turning to face Ava.

It’s a few seconds before Ava snaps herself at of the shock, Sara enjoying the show from her position on her mattress, before Ava also pulls back the covers and slides onto the mattress, facing Sara.

They stay like that for what seems like an age, looking at each other, their eyes wandering, their steady breathing the only sound. Sara’s eyes roam Ava’s face, still searching for a sign of fear or revulsion, but all she sees is softness in her eyes and her small sad smile as she looks at her. She wants to wipe the expression off her face, she never wants her to feel the pain that she is so obviously putting her through. But she can’t. She can’t do anything, because she’s not the Sara she remembers.

It’s like Ava realises this too as she shakes her head and rolls over to face the other way.

“Goodnight Sara.” Ava whispers gently, and Sara knows it’s not directed at her. She’s talking to a Sara that doesn’t exist.

So, Sara doesn’t respond, doesn’t say anything. But her mind races, trying to understand how this woman could get under her defences so quickly. She feels the warmth from earlier start to settle in her chest. Instead of shrugging it off, she revels in the feeling, a feeling of comfort and light that she so often thought was unattainable. She allows herself to bask in it, to feel for the first time something she never thought possible.

She waits until she knows Ava is asleep before whispering goodnight, just as gently, back to her.

**Author's Note:**

> I intend to update as regularly as possible (hopefully once a week or more often if I have the time)! This fic is pretty much all planned out, it's been in my head since the finale.
> 
> Thank you for the Comments/Kudos so far, they really encourage me to keep writing.   
> Please keep them coming!
> 
> This is my first fic, please be gentle


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